My football's sittin' on a barbed wire fence.

Great moments in presidential history, volume 79 in the LBJ files:
Ordering the Presidential Pants.

LBJ: So leave me at least two and a half, three inches in the back where I can let them out or take them up. And make these a half an inch bigger in the waist. And make the pockets at least an inch longer, my money, my knife, everything falls out -- wait just a minute.

Operator: Would you hold on a minute please?

[conversation on hold for two minutes]

LBJ: Now the pockets, when you sit down, everything falls out, your money, your knife, everything, so I need at least another inch in the pockets. And another thing -- the crotch, down where your nuts hang -- is always a little too tight, so when you make them up, give me an inch that I can let out there, uh because they cut me, it's just like riding a wire fence. These are almost, these are the best I've had anywhere in the United States.

JH: Fine

LBJ: But, uh when I gain a little weight they cut me under there. So, leave me , you never do have much of margin there. See if you can't leave me an inch from where the zipper (burps) ends, round, under my, back to my bunghole, so I can let it out there if I need to.

Just because there are a million LBJ anecdotes floating around doesn't mean we have to stop celebrating them. Man, I don't know what I like best about this conversation: that LBJ feels obliged to further articulate that the crotch is "where your nuts hang"; that there is an audio record of a sitting US president saying "bunghole"; or that LBJ walked around with a knife in his pocket. This is via Maud Newton's place, and the full conversation, with audio, can be found at American Radio Works.